I hate this.

Why must everything I say or do be picked apart and put down? Especially my artwork. I work hard at what I do. If you haven't sat and stared at a blank computer screen for 2 weeks at a time when your creativity is gone, then you don't understand. It makes it even worse when people are breathing down your neck telling you to hurry up and make something amazing and original. Apparently, I've tried to damn hard at my artwork. I'll say it: I've done some incredibly complex and detailed pieces in the last 2 years. Most of them have been within the last 6 months, but a few are older.People seem to think that I can come up with this stuff in a matter of days and have yet another breath-taking digital painting ready for them every week.

Even better, when I do come up with something, its not "original enough", or "there's not enough detail", or even the ever popular, "you can do better than this."

Wake the hell up.

It will sometimes take me weeks to come up with a basic idea of a piece that I might like to work on. I tell you this, not every idea that I have comes out like I want it to. There are plenty of times where after working on something for a few days, I decide that its not going anywhere and scrap the entire project. In a nutshell, THIS IS NOT EASY. Don't try and tell me that it is, or that I just need to work harder.

One last thing before I go and dive off a bridge. If I do a piece of artwork, its because I enjoy the procedure of creating it. It not because I have anything to prove to anyone. I don't do art and graphic design so that people will think I'm cool. Stop bugging me. If something I make doesn't live up to *your* expectations, then that's not my problem. I don't need to or wish to hear about it.

Hmmm... a superbike...


I never really considered the option, but, in leigh of new developments let us consider:

3000GT = $6000
Upgrades/etc = $3000
total = $9000
Time = 3yrs

or

Random stupid car = $2000
Superbike = $2500-3000
Total = $4500-5500
Time = .8/1.2yrs

hmmmm...

When he gets one, if he raves enough, then... we'll see.

So I went out and got a motorcycle permit yesterday. Well, I put the paperwork in, and I should have it by the end of the week. After that, I went to look at bikes, and I found one that has some promise. Its a blue 2002 Suzuki GSX 600 for $3800. I could definitely see myself riding it, but I'll have to do more research before I go and buy.

Thank god my mom is going to be out soon. I could never do this stuff with her in the house. As soon as she leaves, I'll pretty much have free reign of myself. One would think that I should have that anyways, but you know how it is......

I've so far bought 2 out of the 3 Mischief series videos by teckademics. Basically its an automotive version of Jackass, which makes it a hundred times cooler.

Boy I need a fast car. I'm starting to reconsider the sport bike option. With my mom gone in a few weeks (months?) my dad doesn't seem to object, so I might end up getting one.

No death wish.




Yet.

Yes, everything sucks.

Wait... he's in a phase where everything sucks?

Since when does everything not suck?


I'm lost...

Listening to some original Disturbed here. I'm working on a new abstract, I figure wallpaper size, and that should be done prolly by tomorrow night. As it turns out, I think I'm going to be having 2 jobs here in a few weeks. I need more money. I guess I'll say this to everyone that tells me I'm lazy, (Namely my parents, and a few other choice adults from around) because I sit on the computer for a long time. I am most definitely not lazy. I can multi-task as easy as you breathe. I can do more calculations in my head than you can even do on a calculator, if indeed you could figure out how to use one. On a good day, I type close to 100 words/minute, and I can read almost 1000 with a 95% comprehension rate.

Yeeeah. I'm one hell of a lazy punk. I work so many hours out of the day that I was getting paid I'd be a millionaire.

I'm in one of those phases right now, where everything sucks to me. Give me a week or two, I should come out of it. Until then, by all means,
TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY EXTREMELY SERIOUSLY!!!. There's no way in my world of pissed off that I would accidentally be sarcastic and say something a little over the top.


No chance at all, damn it. Gimme that candy bar.

Just made up some new business cards for myself. They look pretty cool, so I think I'm gonna upload the image to DA.

Listening to: some odd mix with Bjork and Massive Attack

I just took a test on the internet to see what kind of person I am, and here's what it said about me:



"You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

Recently you have been experiencing considerable mental anguish and turmoil. You are bored and discontent. Nothing seems to be going right for you. Even your relationships aren't working out and you don't quite know which way to turn.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation. Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be some favorite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.

You really would like to be completely uninhibited - to let your hair down - but you are held back by your sense of logic and rationality, since you realize that by simple stupidity you could lose everything - whatever that may be."


That's all kind of interesting, because that's pretty much exactly how I am right now.

Weird.

Still looking for cars. I found an absolutely amazing one, though. True, I'm never going to get it, but it would still be cool. It was a right hand drive Nissan Skyline GT-R, the R33 version, the one I like, and it only had 80,000 miles on it. The guy wanted.......$9,000.
Unfortunately, its in.......




Vancouver.

So I go to WalMart with my sister yesterday, to try and find some good earrings for myself. I found a few good ones, so I buy them and we go home. I figured I'd like to put one of the pairs in and see how they look. Well, the one for my left ear went in just fine. The right ear however, was another story. First, I couldn't find the exit hole. The right went in fine for about halfway, and then wouldn't go any farther. So I called my sister back over to help me out, and she couldn't find the hole either. What ended up happening, is that after about 10 minutes of doing this, bloodying my ear up, I finally went back to the original ear stud. That was the one that I got my ears pierced with first, and it had a wicked sharp point on the end. So I very delicately picked up the stud, and rammed it as hard as I could through the (closing) hole in my ear. Several loud cursings later, I had myself an earring again in my right ear.

Oh, the things I go through.

Here I am in school. Yup, it’s a Saturday. Apparently, I’ve been absent (late) so many days that now I have to come in some Saturdays to make up the time. What a bunch of crap. I got suspended for it too. Isn’t that smart? I wasn’t at school, so then they kick me out of school for a day. Beautiful. So I guess I’m supposed to be doing some sort of school work while sitting here, but I’m not. I’m listening to some Decoded Feedback and typing up this journal entry. I’d probably get in trouble if they knew what I was actually doing, but I got a secret. It’s called ALT + TAB and its magical. That secret has kept me out of more trouble than I think I can remember.

Why must everything that I do be regarded as a copy of what Joe has done? If I make a sketch of a woman smiling am I copying Leonardo da Vinci? If I make a list of my top favorite things in a genre, am I copying David Letterman? No. There's no copying there.

I've been using the term "royally" for ages now. Joe just used it in a blog post. Does that mean he envies me and is stealing my phrases? No. He just picked it up and thought it sounded good. I don't care, why should I? I'm not so self-concious of my image to think that somebody else using a phrase of mine is going to destroy me.

This is what annoys me.

Please excuse the possible mistakes I make to the layout while I update my blog with new colors and such.

Here's a review of my 5 top favorite artists and albums right now.


Artist: Juno Reactor
Album: Shango
Why I like them: It is a mixture of traditional instrumentation combined with edgy electronic. It seems like every one of their songs should be in an action movie somewhere. Most of the tracks are upbeat with a decently fast tempo, and there is usually a good variety of different sounds in the same song.


Artist: Decoded Feedback
Album: Shockwave
Why I like them: I don't even know how to classify this band. These 2 guys started back in the late 80's, but have evolved into one of the more influential electro- industrial rock groups. Their music is alot of hard beats and distorted vocals. Good music when I want to kill something.


Artist: Massive Attack
Album: Mezzanine
Why I like them: The God of ambient, trip-hopish lounge pop. They combine amazing instrumentation and sweet vocals. The vocals are almost used more like another instrument that as standalone voices. This is the CD for just sitting back and hanging out. They layer their songs with so many different instruments, but never are they difficult to listen to. Most of the instruments are background or backup, so you don't notice alot of the sounds at first, although you would definitley be able to tell if they weren't there.


Artist: Thievery Corporation
Album: Richest Man in Babylon
Why I like them: This is my creative music. I put this on, stick my face in my headphones and just tune the world out. This is another group that loves to go crazy with amazing vocals. The beats have great variety between songs on the CD, but none of them are overly complex or are difficult to listen to for long periods. I've listened to this CD 3 times in a row straight through before.


Artist: Marilyn Manson
Album: Mechanical Animals
Why I like them: Because he's an angry asshole who loves to piss the world off. Especially those hard-core right wingers. The music is fast, almost violent at times and combined with a voice that goes from almost whispering to full out screaming instantaneously, the tracks are wild and makes it fun to be pissed off.

There. Those are some of the better bands and albums I'm currently listening to. They are not in any particular order, but every one of them is good.

Lets see something useful come out of my situation right now. Go ahead. Think about it. I'm signed up to join the armed forces for a country I don't support, I have parents that are willing to kick me out because I put small pieces of metal in my ears. The coolest people I've met in probably over a year live in Canada, and my car won't start.

TELL ME WHAT IS GOOD HERE!!!

I've got one brother now, who's the only one that's been with me for the last 3 years. There. I appreciate him more than he'll ever know.

Anyways, I'm pissed off. Not even at anything in particular, just pissed cause things aren't going my way. Yeah, life could be worse, but it could sure be a hell of a lot better, too. Maybe a girlfriend would bring me happiness? I doubt it. It never worked before.

*sigh*

There's lots of people that would sit down and listen to all my problems and act like they really give a shit. Unfortunately, that's what is expected from someone that calls themself my friend. I only know a few people that would sit down and listen and not feel like they have to say anything. Just to sit there and listen is good enough.

Man I need to post here more often. I got my ears pierced yesterday, although the price might be alot more than I had bargained for. Apparantly, it goes alot farther than just doing my own thing. Now I'm a rebel without a cause and no respect for anything, so I should consider living somewhere else.

Complete bullshit.

I pierced my ears because I've wanted it done for 4 years and finally just got sick of waiting around. Not because I hate my family, but because its just another step to being my own person. My god, don't take things so freaking seriously. I can't stand it when outside appearances take so much precedence over anything else. My own dad told me I look like a fag. Man. This close-mindedness has got to stop.

I've made some really kick ass pieces lately. Go check out my gallery for links. http://www.nuformz.deviantart.com They are called "Discussion" and "Consul". I have one more version in the works, one that is sure to be crazy awesome. My dad thinks that I can get a newer car, with less miles, than a $8400 '97 Eclipse with 63,000 miles. Riiiight. Get with the program dad.

Found some absolutely amazing cars. Mostly Eclipses, I found a 97 GS-T with only 63,000 miles on it and some work already done. The guy wants $9,000 OBO, so I figure maybe I'll offer him $8,400. That'll make my payments for that car somewhere around $250 a month, and if I still go on my dad's insurance, then maybe all total, $400 a month till its paid off. I could do that. I could probably get even less of a payment if I take the loan out for a longer period of time, and just make up my mind to pay it off early. Man, I hope I can get this car.