Spineshank- Height of Callousness

I feel so down right now. Maybe its cause I just smoked 2 Blacks in a row, and I've never done that before. But I think its more likely that I just have shit on my mind. I'm sure you all can guess what that is.

I'm thinking way too hard about Emily and I. The advice I got when I came up here was, "Keep it fun, don't get attached, and you'll be fine when you come home." Yeah, well, it didn't happen. I had lots of fun, but I got attached, and sure as hell won't be fine when I go home. Is it even smart to be thinking about Emily and I as "us"? I dunno. Probably not. She is incredible though. I'd hate myself if I let some amazing possibility between us slip away.

Now my head hurts. God damn it. Why do I have to care so much? Why does the only girl I could see myself with at all have to live across the state? God is playing games with me, I know it. Maybe I'm supposed to be learning patience. I want to care, but I don't want the hurt that goes with it.

All I can say that helps me is that I know if we are supposed to be together, if we are really meant for each other, we will be.
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