Cars are hard to fix. Here I'm going to outline the best, and most practical ways to fix various parts of your vehicle.

Problem Number 1: a bent muffler tip. This actually happened to me once, where after an accident both of the muffle tips on my rx7 were bent up into the rear bumper.

Solution:
First, get a cinder block. Wedge it between the ground and the muffler tip. Then take a pool cue and stuff it into the muffler. Be careful not to punch out the baffles in the muffler, but jam it in there pretty good. Then get another of your friends and crank on the end of the pool stick to bend the tip back down. If you're lucky you won't crack the welds on the muffler, because if you do, all your work is shot and you have to go buy a new one.

Problem Number 2: Changing the oil. The quintessential problem of average-Joe wannabe backyard mechanics.

Solution: here is a step by step guide.
1. remove oil pan plug
2. curse loundly as burning oil shoots onto your hands
3. curse louder still as you hit your head on the undercarriage
4. let the oil drain into the yard
5. add 4 quarts of oil to the engine
6. stop adding oil to the radiator and begin to actually fill the oil pan
7. remember oil pan plug from step one
8. go buy more oil, and pick up a six-pack while your at it to "relax after a hard days work"
9. stop adding vegetable based product, and start adding petroleum based products
10. drop a bottle of captain morgan in to "give it some more pep"
11. think about how damn handy you are with tools
12. down a six-pack, light a cigarette
13. scream bloody murder as half your back yard goes up in flames
14. call the fire department, your insurance agency, you lawyer, and assuming you still have a car left, Meineke.

Problem number 3: Changing a flat tire. How do you do this, really?
I liked the format of the last solution better than the first, so here's another step by step.

1. Be sure to pull only half way off the road you are traveling on and then randomly open your door and get out. Regardless of how much traffic is whizzing by you and half the speed of sound, you are completely safe.
2. Come damn close to having a nervous breakdown just trying to find the car jack.
3. Actually have a nervouse breakdown figuring out how to use it.
4. get the spare, and set it off to the side
5. Don't bother looking for the jack points. Those are just suggested areas of placement.
6. Realize that the reason your car isn't elevating is because you just screwed the jack through your floor.
7. pull off the flat tire.
8. run down the hill that which the spare tire rolled
9. Attempt to put the tire on the wheel hub
10. Fail
11. Fail
12. Abort Operation

Call Triple-A.

There you go. The best ways to solve 3 simple car problems. Next week, we look at changing the battery, and installing a new sound system.