Why can't shit just fix itself and things go back to the way they were? Every time I try to show a little affection, I get shut down worse than the time before. I do little "nice" things here and there and try to be friendly, and every time I get a cold shoulder.

I'm going to speak to you directly here. The problem isn't that we couldn't last. The problem is that you are leaving in 2 weeks and you don't want to have to worry about me while your gone. You'll go out to California and find some good looking guy out there and you'll think to yourself, "Why would I want to be true to someone I hardly see, when I can be in this guy's arms right now?" You don't want to accept the fact that here is a guy right fucking here who cares more about you than life itself. I would go to the ends of the earth for you, and every chance you get, you throw it back in my face. You're more than welcome to have given up on me. I'll tell you straight though, I have not given up on you, or on us. No amount of telling me that its useless is going to make me think any differently.

I've so far kept myself from becoming the desperate, bitter ex that I'm afraid of turning in to. I don't want to be a wuss about things, but I'm telling you, I will never take you for granted again. I can't believe I didn't show you I loved you more when we were together. I'm kicking myself every day for not being the best man you could have.


All in all, its just hard to have 2 weeks before I watch the girl of my dreams walk away and leave forever.